
Nearly all men would agree that enduring longer in the bedroom to offer their partner the maximum pleasure is a good aspiration. Not only will you be giving pleasure to your partner, but you will enjoy it too. Several men have a difficult time in this area, however. For men it usually is a harmful occurrence to have a premature ejaculation and lose endurance because it occurs prior to the woman has had an “enjoyable” experience.
Among the many tricks that a man can make use of to last longer in bed is to masturbate before a sexual encounter. This is certainly something which can be done if you have a planned night of romance with your partner and will not work well for sudden or spontaneous romance. The theory behind this trick is that masturbation decreases the built up tension and helps you be are more durable when you find yourself with your partner.
The next trick that you are able to effortlessly use is thinking about other “far and distant thoughts” while with your partner. This is a common technique for delaying ejaculation, but it can be quite effective. To use the technique, when you feel that you’re getting closer to orgasm, think of something as different from sex as possible. This will take your attention off of the thoughts and delays ejaculation.
Some men think of their romantic evening with their spouse to delay ejaculation and others must resort to something completely removed from the evening altogether. This has become quite a common joke among some men. Some men even visualize sports while having sex while others think of food or an extremely unattractive person – all to to put from the final moment slightly longer.
Try to stop having sex for a few minutes to prevent premature ejaculation. The few minutes that you stop might be all it takes to keep on going for considerably longer. With this time, men switch positions or do something different so they aren’t just lying there waiting for a couple of minutes to go by.
A more direct route to preventing an ejaculation is to pinch the top of the penis before orgasm. This act can slow down ejaculation for a few momemts by minimizing the stimulation.
For most men, lasting longer with their lover is the ultimate goal. Employing a few techniques to delay ejaculation can help to boost your sex life. Ladies will enjoy the time spent in bed also. Both partners will enjoy the time spent in bed when it is equally gratifying for both. This will usually increase your love at the same time.
Learn some more great tips to last longer in bed
As I did at Advent, I've compiled all of last year's posts about the upcoming liturgical season into one, long, wordy post, and here it is. The title of the series, “A Meaningful Lent,” comes from then-six-year-old Ramona's protest that she would not give up something such as talking back to her sisters, but rather, she planned to give up something meaningful.
So, here goes. Our attempts at meaning follow.
Part 1. A Meaningful Lent
The other day, Ramona told Betsy that instead of giving up sassiness, she was going to give up something meaningful.
But what does “meaningful” mean, and how do we enter into into Lent in a way that will really make it meaningful?
I start by asking, “What to Give Up?”
We sometimes hear this debate: Should we give up something “good” or something “bad”?
I see no reason to debate. All we have to figure out is the answer to this question: “What will help me grow closer to God?”
On the “good” side of the debate are those who say we must give up “a good” or it's not a sacrifice (a sacrifice being the giving up of an objective good for a greater good.)
On the “bad” side, are those who say that giving up “something bad” (a bad habit, such as complaining, smoking, caffeine) is just as difficult as giving up something good, and therefore, is a great spiritual exercise.
I hereby declare a draw. Both sides are right.
The key is in our perception: if it's a struggle to give it up, we're inordinately attached to it.
When we give up an addiction, we say to God, “You are more important to me than this thing. I'm giving it up for You.”
It's the act of love that counts, but our acts of love often lead to real and positive change. When we offer an addiction for God, we find Him working on our hearts, ridding us of painful, controlling attachments.
In that sense, it's certainly an acceptable Lenten sacrifice to give up “something bad.”
On the flip side, when we give up something that is objectively good, we get the joy of that thing's return on Easter Sunday. And this is a beautiful thing to experience. We see, in a small but concrete way, that sacrifice leads to Resurrection. (”Break out the chocolate bunnies! He is Risen!”)
There's still a bit of room for debate: is chocolate an objective good or an unhealthy addiction? (Umm, okay … so that's not up for debate. God invented the objective good of chocolate right after Adam, Eve and the amazing way we love our children. They don't call chocolate the food of the gods for nothing.) What about moderate alcohol use? Blogging, Facebook, Twitter? Meat every day? Dessert every night? TV? Movies? Music?
There's often some overlap. I have to ask myself, “Am I addicted to what would, in moderation, be an objective good?” Perhaps, when Easter arrives, I'll find that God has helped me to let go of the attachment, and enjoy the thing as it's intended to be enjoyed.
That overlap is the reason it can be helpful to choose several things to give up — something in the “bad” category (”God, help me get rid of this vice forever!”) and something in the “good” category (”Grill a steak! Pass the wine! Celebrate the Feast!”)
It's all so personal. What's easily managed for one person might be a torturous attachment for another.
That's why we really shouldn't debate about the “right things” to give up for Lent.
If giving it up will help you grow closer to God, then it's the right thing.
(Various things I've given up in the past that have borne spiritual fruit: meat on all days of Lent, wine, the radio, the wearing of any jewelry, all sweets, chocolate, complaining,
Part 2. Why Give Up Anything?
The short answer is, “Because Mom said so.”
Mom — Mother Church — knows what's best for us. And when we follow her advice, we find that, even if we didn't initially understand the reason, our actions bear good fruit.
But, we always want the long answer, don't we?
First, occasionally people say, “You don't have to give anything up — just take on something positive.” I have a couple of thoughts about this perspective. While I understand the good intention behind the “positive spin” (that instead of giving up candy or some other trifle which can seem meaningless one is trying to do something of more”importance”) I think it overlooks the good that is inherent in fasting.
I also want to point out that in “taking something on” we are making a sacrifice. If we sacrifice leisure time in order to do something else — read more Scripture, pray at an abortion clinic, volunteer at a food pantry, or do something else that is a good — then that is certainly a sacrifice offered in the spirit of Lent. Scripture reading, prayer, talking with a frightened woman who is tempted to abort her child, helping to feed the hungry — these are corporal and spiritual works of mercy that yield real results, both seen and unseen.
Additionally, on the subject of results we can see, here's a small, but concrete benefit of a fast: if we save the money we would have spent on the trifles (how much is a bag of M&Ms? What's the beer budget? The cost of meat for forty days?) and donate it, we see the results of our sacrifice. Our children see it. The trifles suddenly don't seem to be such a trifle when we realize how much we normally spend on them.
But, second, why do we feel the need to put a “positive” spin on something that is already positive? For a Christian, isn't sacrifice always a positive? If what Jesus did for us isn't the ultimate positive example, then I've got the wrong religion.
Sometimes, we're looking for loopholes and an easier road. But, there's no easy road to avoiding sin. It's an uphill battle for us, this fallen lot. So, let's listen to Mom and give Lent the spin it deserves.
We now return to our regularly scheduled post.
I never say anything better than the Catechism of the Catholic Church does, so I'll direct you to a couple of passages that discuss sacrifice, mortification and spiritual progress.
Paragraph 2015:
The way of perfection passes by way of the Cross. There is no holiness without renunciation and spiritual battle.
Paragraph 2549:
It remains for the holy people to struggle, with grace from on high, to obtain the good things God promises. In order to possess and contemplate God, Christ's faithful mortify their cravings and, with the grace of God, prevail over the seductions of pleasure and power.
And, from Scripture:
“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” — Matthew 6:21
During Lent, we are called to “pray, fast and give.” (See this document for more info.) In taking on additional prayer time, or attending daily Mass more often, or praying the Stations of the Cross, or other devotions such as the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, in fasting from festive food and drink, or from various entertainments or areas of excess, and in freely giving of our time and money, we see that it's not a matter of “either/or.” We don't ask, “Should I pray more? Or should I fast from something? Or should I give of my time? Give away a few more dollars?”
To pray, to fast and to give are all intimately connected. Progress and growth in one area fuels further progress in the others.
Pray.
Fast.
Give.
This trinity is the foundation of a meaningful Lent. When I start there, good things happen.
Part 3. Fasting and the Holy Father
Message of His Holiness Benedict XVI for Lent, 2009:
(Found in its entirety here.)
Excerpts:
For this year’s Lenten Message, I wish to focus my reflections especially on the value and meaning of fasting.
…We might wonder what value and meaning there is for us Christians in depriving ourselves of something that in itself is good and useful for our bodily sustenance. The Sacred Scriptures and the entire Christian tradition teach that fasting is a great help to avoid sin and all that leads to it. For this reason, the history of salvation is replete with occasions that invite fasting.
…In the New Testament, Jesus brings to light the profound motive for fasting, condemning the attitude of the Pharisees, who scrupulously observed the prescriptions of the law, but whose hearts were far from God. True fasting, as the divine Master repeats elsewhere, is rather to do the will of the Heavenly Father, who “sees in secret, and will reward you” (Mt 6,18). He Himself sets the example, answering Satan, at the end of the forty days spent in the desert that “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Mt 4,4). The true fast is thus directed to eating the “true food,” which is to do the Father’s will (cf. Jn 4,34).
…In our own day, fasting seems to have lost something of its spiritual meaning, and has taken on, in a culture characterized by the search for material well-being, a therapeutic value for the care of one’s body. Fasting certainly bring benefits to physical well-being, but for believers, it is, in the first place, a “therapy” to heal all that prevents them from conformity to the will of God.
…The faithful practice of fasting contributes, moreover, to conferring unity to the whole person, body and soul, helping to avoid sin and grow in intimacy with the Lord.
…At the same time, fasting is an aid to open our eyes to the situation in which so many of our brothers and sisters live. In his First Letter, Saint John admonishes: “If anyone has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, yet shuts up his bowels of compassion from him – how does the love of God abide in him?” (3,17).
…Dear brothers and sisters, it is good to see how the ultimate goal of fasting is to help each one of us, as the Servant of God Pope John Paul II wrote, to make the complete gift of self to God (cf. Encyclical Veritatis splendor, 21).
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As Lent approaches and we consider giving up the foods and other things we enjoy, we sometimes feel overwhelmed.
It's helpful to me (a rich American, despite my protests about the cost of the latest van repair) to consider that the things overwhelming me could be foundational:
– In 2008, the number of undernourished people in the world rose to 963 million
– Hunger and malnutrition are the No. 1 risk to health worldwide, greater than AIDS, malaria and tuberculosis combined.
– The total food surplus of the United States alone could satisfy every empty stomach in Africa; France's leftovers could feed the hungry in Democratic Republic of Congo and Italy's could feed Ethiopia's undernourished.
– Today 25,000 people will die from hunger. A child dies every six seconds of malnutrition or starvation.
More information from:
Catholic Relief Services
CRS and Operation Rice Bowl
Kids Against Hunger
The Hunger Site
Fasting Against Global Hunger
Pope Benedict XVI on hunger, here and here.
And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for Me.'
– Matthew 25:40
A reminder from Mom:
If you are a pregnant or nursing mother, or are ill, Mom (Holy Mother Church, not me) doesn't want you to fast from nutritious meals. There are myriad ways to fast.
Take care of your physical health, and offer the things from which you must fast (sleep, time, favorite foods that affect breast milk, sanity) as your prayer and your offering. Mom knows your situation, and she not only understands, she insists that you take care of yourself so that you may take care of the gift you've been given.
Part 4: Lent with Young Children
Some of our favorite things:
The Lamb of God Calendar
On poster board, draw a picture of a lamb. (I drew this one freehand, but based it on this one.)
Divide the body into squares to make a calendar, covering the entire period of Lent.
Every day, Ramona glues a cottonball on that day’s space. This is such a great way for little ones to count down to Easter and it gives them a concrete picture of the length of the season of waiting. When Easter arrives, we replace the little Lenten notes (click on the picture for a larger version — you'll see the notes, which say things like, “Pray … fast … give … Love”) with big, colorful “Alleluia!” notes. We've been doing this one since Anne-with-an-e was little, and all of my girls have loved this activity.
(In an effort to give credit where credit is due, I have to say that the credit for this goes to someone else — I just wish I knew who! I saw a very similar idea in a little newsletter years ago. They suggested gluing cotton balls on a paper plate lamb, but I made a wall calendar instead. So, whoever you are … you inspired this wall calendar, and we thank you!)
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*Sacrifice Jar
There are different versions of this all over the place, but here's what we do: We place an empty jar next to a bowl of dried beans. For every sacrifice, prayer, act of kindness or penance performed, a bean goes into the jar.
On Easter morning, the beans will be replaced with jelly beans and M&Ms, reminding us that the rewards of Heaven will be sweet! And, please note: the M &Ms will be overflowing, even if the jar did not get filled. God's grace is like that, no?
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Lenten Caterpillars
This idea is from my dear friend, Holly, godmother to all of my children.
Cut out 1/4 of a cardboard egg carton and paint it for the caterpillar's body. Glue on “googly eyes” (or paint them on) and use pipe cleaners for antennae and legs (or toothpicks and tiny pom-poms.) When Holy Week arrives, wrap your caterpillars in paper or coffee filters (their cocoons.) On Holy Saturday night (after kids are in bed) tear open the cocoon and replace it with a butterfly.
The butterfly will depend on the artistic skills — or lack thereof — of Mom and/or Dad. Our butterflies have ranged from drawings, to origami, to a picture from the internet (that was a hectic year) to fun foam and sequins. Add to the symbolism of rebirth with a note proclaiming, “Jesus gives us New Life! Alleluia!”
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*Homemade Soft Pretzels
1 1/2 c. warm water
1 pkg. yeast
1 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. sugar
4 c. flour
1 beaten egg
Coarse salt
Measure warm water into large (warm) mixing bowl. Sprinkle on yeast and stir until it looks soft. Add salt, sugar and flour. Mix/knead dough. Shape dough into the usual (or your own special) pretzel shapes.
Grease cookie sheets and lay pretzels on them and brush with beaten egg. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake at 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes.
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I always choose a new prayer for us to learn during Lent. We say it nightly, at bedtime prayers, and memorize painlessly. (We do this at other times of the year, too, as a way for all of us to learn various prayers.)
Part 5: Confession and Dorothy Parker
In this post, I want to share my three best tips for a meaningful Lent.
They are:
1. Go to confession.
2. Go to confession.
3. Go to confession.
And, if I haven't mentioned it lately, I also think going to confession would be a good thing to do.
If you love going to confession, good for you. Keep it up.
If you hate going to confession, consider giving up “not going to confession” for Lent.
If you hate to go, but love having gone, you may be a Dorothy Parker fan. (Of her profession, she said, “Hate to write … love having written.”)
I am a Dorothy Parker sort of confessee. Hate to go. Love having gone. Love going regularly, even though I hate going. (And, although it has no place in this post, I'll share another Dorothy Parker quote: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” Love that, although it's completely out of place here.)
And, finally, one more Dorothy Parker quote that does have a place here:
“It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.”
Confess the mess.
And, that's the last of Dorothy Parker I can share. If I repeat her most famous stuff, I'll have to head straight to confession.
Part 6: His Lent and My Lent
It never fails.
I always make plans for Lent. Plenty o' plans.
But, God always has His own plans for my Lent.
Just a friendly, neighborhood reminder: if your Lent doesn't turn out to be what you envisioned, keep in mind that it's because we aren't really in charge. We never are.
If He hands you a different Lent from the one you planned, be assured that it is truly from His Hand, and tell Him, simply, “Thank You.”
Part 7: My Crown of Thorns
When I was received into the Catholic Church fourteen years ago, my dear friend Jack gave me an incredible gift: a crown of thorns.
This is not a miniature replica, nor a harmless likeness. It is a real, piercing, terrible, beautiful crown of thorns.
Every year, during Lent, it is prominently displayed in our home. It does wonders for my tiny Lenten sacrifices. A brief, but penetrating gaze upon the thorns penetrates my thoughts, my soul, my desires. It keeps my little offerings in perspective.
The sight of the crown that our King endured keeps me close in thought to Him, the Man Who gave everything for me, the One Who loves me no matter how weak I am, or how petty or selfish. No matter how much I may stray or grow lukewarm, He is there. He is faithful, waiting for the one He loves to return that love and fidelity. All. The. Time.
And that's what Lent is, for me … a rekindling of the greatest love affair of my life. And, when I am tempted to think that my little Lenten sacrifices are too much, or too hard, I gaze upon that crown of thorns.
And I know that nothing is too much. He showed us what it means to give everything. The least I can do is feel the sting of my small sacrifices.
Now with all of this explained, there's assistance for you to learn different cures or therapies in helping the two of you understand how to make factors improved so you can last longer in bed. And trust me, whenever you and your partner work about it jointly, it varieties a tighter relationship and it'll perhaps you have ways to delay ejaculation!